I propose a holiday upon which participants shall go to the grocery store around noon, wearing a ratty housecoat, boxers, and a t-shirt. It is mandatory that you smell like marijuana, and once this event has become lodged in the public conscience it may be appropriate to bring real or imitation White Russians.

At the advent of this glorious new holiday, you must respond to confused inquiries with a delay, followed by a broken explanation that “It’s, like… November 20th… that’s Lebowski Day, right?” It’s very important that you do not ever do this on the 20th, but rather any day within the following week. Ideally, this will create a chaotic period in which average people and genuine burnouts can mingle freely.

At this point, you should look around in a dazed fashion, and slowly raise a hand to check for the sunglasses affixed to your long, greasy hair. Upon finding them, smile stupidly and nod with contentment. Suddenly notice the original inquirer, who will now be either smirking knowingly, or significantly more confused. Act as though you had no idea they were there, before suddenly remembering. If you have a White Russian, shrug and take a swig.

After this, loyalty to the concept can be abandoned as you attempt to purchase the most awkward set of items you can imagine. Whether this constitutes a loofah, soy milk and steel wool or seventy three microwaveable chicken dinners is irrelevant. You may also want to consider the classic option of lube, rubber kitchen gloves and razor blades.

If you opt to use the self-checkout (where available), be sure to turn up the volume to its maximum and respond verbally to any prompts; highly emotional soliloquies to the machine are also appropriate, but should be kept disjointed and irrational. You should act as confused as possible when presented with more than two options, and if you have purchased multiple bulk items it’s very important that you double or triple check the quantity before entering it in the field. If you enter it incorrectly in spite of this, you receive bonus points.

If there are children present as you exit the building, mutter sleepily:  “I had no idea what plant fumes were doing to my cerebral cortex.” Unconsciously attempting to light a joint on your way to the door is highly acceptable; however, do not conduct a battery of bong hits. This will appear highly contrived, and you will be labeled as totally lame.

"This is a fuckin' great idea. Whoah."

Hail Lebowski.